Readings

In addition to love, affection, managing your own stress is the best thing you can do to be an effective parent Trickle-down Anxiety orchid children: particularly sensitive to the parenting they receive. epigenetics: the ways that experience affects genes by turning the function of specific genes on or off. While your children may be born with some genetic predisposition, it takes experiences to turn on the specific genes that ignite depression or anxiety Turning on these problematic genes to the "on" position can happen in two ways secondhand stress: stress is contagious.  Kids can feel your emotions even though you try to hide it. kids tend to be particularly bad at correctly interpreting what they are seeing. They always think their parents' negative emotions are due to something they do As kids experience more stress, their amygdala becomes larger and larger and more reactive.  Behavior:  social anxiety: you experience intense fear of being scrutinized...

What makes us tick? inner motivation The growth mindset Praise effort and various strategies kids use to solve problems, rather than their built-in ability. "Your curiosity is really fun for me to see" " I am really impressed with how hard you worked on that test" Self-determination 1. a sense of autonomy the best way to motivate a child is to support their sense of control. Explaining the reasons why a task is important and then allowing as much personal freedom as possible in carrying out the task will stimulate much more motivation than rewards and punishments. give them as much control over their choices as possible, including asking them what it is they want to be competent at and in charge of 2. a sense of competence It's about feeling consciously competent, not about having a trophy Supporting our kids in developing competence is our job as [parents "You worked really hard on that test and I'm proud of you even if you didn...

I trust you to make a good decision, and this will ultimately be your call, but I want to be sure you make the best decision possible, so I'd like you to think through the pros and cons of either option. I also want you to talk to people who have more experience and to get their feedback. Finally, I think it's important that we talk together about a possible plan B if your decision doesn't go the way you want.   Let them get stuck every once in a while, while you are available to help her get out of the ditch, can actually help them grow Sometimes when the child's preference doesn't align with yours, ask why do you want her to do the way you want? Is it for her or is it for you? Signs of children who are ready to make decisions the child has to be willing to listen and to think the options through. If children will not consider the relevant information, we don't support letting them make the decision. not depressed, no drug or alcohol abuse. she can be ...

I am confident in your ability to make informed decisions about your own life and to learn from your mistake Three reasons why fighting about homework doesn't make sense: the underlying goal of the study is to raise curious, self-directed learners If you act as if it's your job to see your child does homework, practice the piano...., he doesn't have to think about it, because he knows that you will make him do it You cannot force a kid to do something he is dead set against you make home to be a stressful place for kids, a place where kids don't feel safe and relaxed and want to escape from What should parents do? set boundaries within which you feel comfortable letting them control. help your kids learn what information they need to make an informed decision. explain to children how important it is to her . offer her help and support. let her know you are willing to help in any way you can to make practicing an enjoyable experience. ask what you can do t...

The goal of this book is to teach parents how to  help kids increase their stress tolerance - the ability to perform well in a stressful situation and to throw off stress rather than accumulate it Our role as adults is not to force our children to follow the track we've laid out for them. It's to help them develop the skills to figure out the track that's right for them. They will need to find their own way and to make the independent course corrections - for the rest of their lives Source of stress Novelty: something you have not experienced Unpredictability: something you had no way of knowing would occur Threat to the ego: your safety or competence as a person is called into question Sense of control: you feel you have little or no control over the situation Types of stress Positive stress: motivates you to grow, take risks and perform at a high level. nervous, a little stressed, then filled with a sense of accomplishment and pride afterward Tolerable...

Practice: 1. how  can you get the most out of deliberate practice: a clearly defined stretch goal full concentration and effort immediate and informative feedback repetition with reflection and refinement 2. deliberate practice vs. flow deliberate practice is painful for everyone. it is when you are trying hard to solve problems and improve some aspects of your skills. however, it can be rewarding. I think the key is to break down a big task into small parts and getting it done.  flow is pleasurable and effortless. You feel completely in control deliberate practice is for preparation and flow is for performance.  3. how to persistently do deliberate practice make it a habit: practice at the same time and in the same place every day in the moment self-awareness without judgment: That was hard! it was great! Purpose: Interest and purpose are two factors that encourage people to hold fast on the practice Hope develop a growing mindset when...