The self-driven child - Chapter 9: Wired 24/7

This chapter talks about the impact of technology on the children development. 

Tech's downsides:

• When you refresh your email, look at your texts or social media, you get a hit of dopamine, and an especially big one if you encounter something positive, like a message from a girl/boy of your interest. This is intermittent reinforcement, which makes you addictive to checking your phone. your self-regulation is weakened. 
• addictive to games: low social competence, impulsivity, low stress tolerance, cognitive inflexibility and social anxiety

Solution:

• seek to understand: Playing games with your kid. Try to understand what's appealing about it. Showing an interest and being knowledgeable will help you to effectively negotiate limits and intervene if problems arise. We're much better able to influence our kids when they feel respected and emotionally close to us
• negotiate firm limits with children: he must comply with the limits you've agreed upon in order to continue to use
• inform rather than lecture: language: 
• collaborate on a solution: don't try to work toward a solution in the midst of an argument or when you are asking your child to shut their tech down. Find a time when no one's back is up and no action is required immediately
• Understand your leverage: Always know their password and let them know that you will always know it. If you are paying for their data plan, you can make that contingent on their respectful use of tech. If they won't put away the phone at night, you don't pay the bill. If your child claims that she needs the phone in her bedroom to set the alarm, buy an alarm. 
• Language example: I know how much fun these games are, and I'm not going to say you cannot do it. but as your parent, I'm concerned that there are other important things you're missing out on. So it would help me a lot if we could have a conversation about how much time a week you really need to enjoy games you want to plan and come up with other things you'll do each work so I'm not worried about you. If we can both agree on a plan and you can stick to it, I'll leave you alone
• it's ok to say no even if other parents say yes. 
• model healthy use of technology. e.g. no cellphone during meals
• try to have at least 30 mins of unplugged "private time" with your kids during the week and at least an hour a day on weekends. Negotiate with your child aboout the best time for digital downtime. Set a time and tell her she can check her texts every 10-15 mins (or less or more). 
• make video game or TV time use contingent on not freaking out when it's time to quit

Criteria for video-game addiction:

• lying about how much time is spent playing
• spending an increasing amount of time and money to feel excited
• irritability or restlessness
• escaping problems through gameplay
• skipping chores or homework to play
• stealing games or money to buy games