Readings

Step 1: Being aware of Children's emotions --- Empathy is the foundation to learn to be aware of your own emotions. put yourself in your children's shoes -- empathy. However, children often express their emotions indirectly or in a way that adults find puzzling.  Whenever we find our children getting angry, or upset over an issue that seems inconsequential, it may help to step back and look at the big picture of whats going on in their lives.  clues to feelings of children often revealed in fantasy play hints of children's emotional distress may also show up in behaviors such as overeating, loss of appetite, nightmares and complaints of headaches or stomachaches. Step 2: Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching a child needs his parents most when he is sad, angry or afraid. The ability to help soothe an upset child can be what makes us "feel most like parents". We are helping them learn skills for soothing themselves, skil...

Taking children's emotions requires empathy, keen listening skills and a willingness to see things from their perspective. It also takes selflessness.  Assessing your parenting style emotional coaching requires emotional awareness and listening and problem-solving behaviors.  Some barriers may be the result of the way emotions were handled in the homes where parent grew up was anger always viewed as potentially destructive? fear as cowardly, sadness as self-pitying?  Dismissive parents: sensitive dismissing parents may feel quite deeply for their children and are simply reacting out of parents' natural urges to protect their offspring. They believe it is unhealthy to dwell on negative emotions for too long. They engage in problem-solving with their children. They focus on what it will take to get over the emotion rather than focusing on the emotion itself Disapproving parents: their children are often reprimanded, disciplined for expressing sadness, ...

周海宏谈琴——孩子为什么不爱练琴？ 今天我看到很多家长带着孩子来听讲座，但是这个讲座不是教育孩子的，而是孩子们用来对付家长的。我曾经对家长做过调查，在孩子所有学琴的问题中哪个是你遇到最烦恼的？不爱练琴成为家长们最大的烦恼。很多家长问我，孩子们为什么不爱练琴呢？我回问，孩子们为什么要爱练琴呢？实际上，如果你不能清晰地回答“要”的问题，就不能真正解决“不”的问题。世界上没有不爱练琴的孩子，只有让孩子们不爱练琴的家长和老师。人天生是喜欢音乐的，正如大家天生喜欢美食。世界上没有哪一样教育可以比学琴给孩子们带来的快乐更多，但是学琴苦居然成为全社会的共识。为什么大家认为学琴苦？因为我们学琴教育存在严重的问题。我认为中国目前学琴教育存在的最大问题是业余学琴过于专业化，导致很多孩子学了一门技术，恨了一门艺术。我们曾经做过调查，98%的家长都没有要求孩子成为专业演奏家，但100%的家长对孩子进行专业化训练。所以，既然不是想让孩子从事音乐专业，那为什么还要孩子进行那么刻苦、可怕的专业化训练？有的家长就说，万一我的孩子以后是搞音乐的料，一开始不进行专业化训练，那不是误人子弟吗？不要这样想，因为那些将来有可能成为演奏专业的孩子不存在几个月都纠正不好的练琴问题。我们曾经做过调查，中央音乐学院附小的孩子，从0开始学琴到通过10级，平均用了3年。每年3级速度的进步，哪有时间纠正那么多毛病？所以我告诉家长， 如果你的孩子老有毛病纠正不过来，老有错音，你马上要明白我们家的孩子不适合搞专业音乐演奏。 过于专业化的技术训练，偏离了我们让孩子们学琴最根本的目的。很多家长对孩子学琴都没有清晰的线路图，可能是为了考级，为了加分。将来如果考级加分取消了呢？今天我为各位家长讲述学琴目的的清晰线路图： 1.通过学琴热爱音乐；2.通过音乐热爱艺术；3.通过艺术热爱生活；4.通过生活体验幸福。 那么摆正我们学琴最根本的目的后， 走出了业余学琴过于专业化的误区后 ，剩下的就是我们家长没有注意的问题，孩子学琴苦还有我们教育者的责任。 我今天要告诉你们，原来学琴还可以是不苦的。你会觉得很奇怪， 因为你常年在这种状态下，你已经忘记常态是什么了。孩子有可能爱练琴吗？完全有，但前提是你一定要了解人性的法则。我一直认为关于人性最基本的法则、心理学最基本的规律应该像红灯停、绿灯行那样成为每一位家长、每一位教育者最基本的常识。...

Part 4 Busting the myths of social anxiety You don't have a social problem social anxiety people usually have stellar social skills. But they are inhibited so they forget. 3 seconds rule: when you see someone you'd like to talk to or join a group, you have three seconds to approach and say hello. single start with "how's going" or "I couldn't help but eavesdrop" eye contact: 1/2 of time making eye contact. connect, look away, reconnect, look away play a role , dare to be average, fake it until you are it, drop safety behavior.  Turn your attention inside out social anxiety is a mistaken belief that something is wrong with you and everyone will notice. practice shifting your attention away from monitoring your words. focus on your task. try meditation to learn to shift your attention practice deliberately looking at peoples' faces.  Perfectionism a belief that one's self-worth is contingent upon the results, upon on ou...

不同的习惯需要养成的时间不同： 行为习惯需要1个月 思考习惯需要3个月+ 养成习惯的tips: 反抗期 （1-7天） 一次培养一个习惯， 习惯的行动规则要简单 每天坚持， 从小做起， 哪怕5分钟，1页纸 抛开不足感觉，不要对结果抱有期待， 重点是培养习惯 以轻松的方式简单记录 不稳定期（8～21天） 难度提高到本来的要求 固定时间固定地点固定训练量 设定例外规则：预期意外干扰的可能， 并计划好意外发生的对策 只做一点 弥补计划 设定特别的例子，光明正大的中断一次行动 设定持续开关激励自己

Part 2: Looking inside your head 0. be mindful 1. Specify, specify, specify the reason that causes your anxiety 2. ask yourself these 3 questions: how bad would that really be? what are the odds? how could I cope? 3. embrace yourself to show yourself some compassion. soothe, encourage and support show appreciation for your efforts Part 3: Heading out into the world 1. get started and your confidence will catch up We don't have to wait until we feel like doing something before we do it. We start doing it, and the feeling will catch up.  Put action before confidence. Fake it till you make it.  Do it many many times, so your imagination has nowhere to go. Social-anxious people's brains are wired to jump to the worst-case scenario. but with experience, we learn it's not probable and we can handle it.  2.  structure and role play Assign yourself some goals and think of a structure for the conversation. for example: before talking to a st...