The heart of parenting -- Strategies III

• It's not a good time to do emotion-coaching when you're pressed for time. because emotion-coaching needs time and coaching without genuine care cannot fool children. 
• It's important to designate a time - preferably at the same period each day --- when you can talk to your child without time pressures or interruptions. Families of small children often do this before bedtime or during a bath. With school-age kids and teenagers, heart-to-heart chats often happen as you share chores, such as washing dishes or folding laundry. 
• you'd better do emotion coaching one on one, rather than in front of other family members, friends or strangers. 
• Emotion coaching takes a certain level of creative thoughts and energy. Postpone emotion coaching until you get the rest or comfort you need to revitalize yourself
• When your child behaves in a way that upsets you and goes against your moral code, you need to voice your disapproval. Emotion coaching to address the child's feelings that may have led to the misbehavior can be postponed. It's a time to state you think your child's action is wrong and why you feel that way. Expressing your feelings of anger and disappointment is appropriate. You can do the emotion coaching later. 

Example:

when a kid doesn't want to share a toy with another kid. you can say "Sometimes it's hard to share a favorite toy. Let's put that toy away and take out some toys that you feel more comfortable sharing"